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F.U. Hunters

8 Oct

Bill’s all excited about his new rifle. So, he goes bear hunting in Alaska. The first bear he sees is a little brown bear, and he kills it with his first shot. There is a tap on his shoulder, and he turns around to see a big black bear. 

The black bear says, “You’ve got two choices. One, I maul you to death or two, we have sex.” 

He bends over for the bear. He’s sore for 2 days, but he recovers and vows revenge. 
Bill heads out on another trip to Alaska and he finds the black bear and kills him. At that moment there is a tap on his shoulder. A huge grizzly is standing right behind him.
The grizzly says, “That was a big mistake. You’ve got 2 choices, “Either I maul you to death or we have sex.” 

Bill bends over. He survives, but he’s really hurting and takes quite a bit of time to recover, and, he’s outraged!

Sure enough, he heads back to Alaska and finds the grizzly and shoots him at point blank range. There’s a tap on his shoulder. He turns around to find an enormous polar bear.

The polar bear says, “You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?”

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A Burglar Breaks into the Wrong House

8 Oct

Burglar Breaks into the Wrong House

A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say,”Jesus is watching u”. Thinking it was just his imagination, he continued his search. Again”Jesus is watching u”. He turned his flashlight around & saw a parrot in a cage. He asked the parrot if he was the one talking. The parrot said”Yes”. He asked the parrot his name the parrot said, “Moses”. The burglar asked, “What kind of people would name a parrot Moses?” The parrot said, “The same kind of people who would name their pit bull Jesus.”